It seems today that it's not just the newest Diego bubble blower, or Barbie, or Spiderman figure they want, but more serious things...phones, i-Touches, movies, video games, that I have to say NO to, and they don't understand why.
What is disappointing to me....is that for the most part, they are right! In 6th grade, if you don't have a phone, you are one of the ONLY kids in the class who doesn't. (don't get me started on the 3rd graders in Catherine's class who have phones).
During Back to School night , I actually had to listen to the teachers explain to the PARENTS to please not text their kids during the school day..."Hi Honey, how is your day going?"..."What class are you in right now?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!.
IT'S FRUSTRATING.
IT'S MADDENING.
IT'S SHOCKING.
I could make this post all about why my kids do not NEED a cell phone at their age. Actually, if you ask them why they NEED/WANT a phone, it has nothing to do with "making phone calls"...it's all about the TEXTING! I could also give you good reason as to why they do not need an iTouch or a lap-top. I want to them to learn to communicate (with ME) and others--I think all that "stuff" interrupts REAL communication and is a distraction to young kids who do not know how to balance the pull between the real world and the media world (for cyring out loud, adults get sucked into it!) Mike and I have made our decision (at this point) that our kids will get a phone/laptop/i-something when we NEED them to have one, (along with them being able to help pay for it). Certainly not because they WANT one.
It's got me thinking...(hang on...here comes my soap-box...)
Why are parents so afraid to say "NO" to their kids? Why do most parents, particularly parents in my generation and younger, have such profound difficulty saying no to their children's every want and desire? (heck I want all that stuff too, but I CAN'T have it all!)
I think it is because as parents we don't want our kids to be uncomfortable. I think we have a belief (myself included) that we really do not want our kids to feel any sense of discomfort.
THAT IS NOT LIFE!!!
We have this notion as parents, that when our kids don't feel distress, or discomfort or anger--particularly towards us as parents, that we are doing a good job because we are making life smooth for them. I believe that this way of parenting does not prepare our kids for life...because life is not smooth and there are discomforts and disciplines needed to be successful. As my dad ALWAYS said...( and he was SO right)..."things are difficult under the best of circumstances"!
Why do we tip-toe around our kids?!
What ever happened to "Because I am your MOTHER and I said so!!!"?? Why do we feel the need to "explain" everything to our kids.
(insert DEEP BREATH here)....
I am not claiming to be an expert on parenting or to know what is best for every child/family Geez-everyday is a new day in this house. Alexander and Matthew are our guinea pigs and I HAVE been wrong before (shocking, I know!!). They are my oldest, but I am trying to stay strong and hold on tight to my beliefs.
(I know...you are all saying..."oh...let's see what song she is singing in a few years). Perhaps it will be a new tune--but not without A LOT of thought. And, all of this...phones, i-thingies, social media stuff (ie Facebook) will be a PRIVILEGE--they will earn it, pay for it and know that all of it is a PRIVILEGE-- not a RIGHT!!
They will also know that Mike and I will demand passwords to everything. The whole privacy thing? No. Sorry. No. What do you need privacy for if you aren't doing anything you shouldn't be? I won't abuse this no privacy rule, but I will want them to know that feeling of us looking over their shoulders. They will know we will pick up their phones/check their emails at any time..
They will also knows that we won't hesitate for one golden moment to rip that phone away and shut that Facebook page down. (insert SMILE here!).
Post note: I wrote this post more for ME! Sometimes the choices I will make for my children will make me (and others) uncomfortable...along with my kids. This post will be a reminder to me to not fret over my decisions, to doubt myself, or give in. A reminder that I have a choice: 1. Being true to myself and my children, 2. Selling out in order to make someone feel less uncomfortable.
Putting it that way, it sounds like an easy decision right?
I don't think I'll ever turn the tide but I think I need to be true enough to myself and my family... even if it means I sometimes make some people and my kids a little uncomfortable.
