Everything is PERFECT over here on the Gordon home-front...smiling happy faces, everyone being so cute to eachother...like a photograph...I cook and clean and play and teach with a smile on my face every minute!
NOT!
OK, allow me to back up...
Yesterday a very close person in my life made a comment to me about having read my blog and "my perfect life". I was like "WHAT!!??".
But her comment did get me thinking whether the posts I write are real reflections of my true self and my family or are they merely the best of me put on display. I try to be honest and tell it like it is. Mostly good, sometimes hard, sometimes bad.
I thought about the parts of my life that I choose to reveal here. Do I often intentionally put my best foot forward, ignoring my many faults and failings?
You bet I do!
I don't want to look back years from now at this silly record of our everyday lives and wonder if all I did was complain about how annoying my kids are.
But I also don't want to look back and know that the sugary sweetness I posted about was not how I really felt every second of every day.
It's a tricky balance - sorting between the reality of my life and the way I'd like it to be.
In hopes of striking a more symmetrical record, I am going to treat you to a little bit of my trash today.
For your judging pleasure, here are a few real things about me that you may or may not have known...
I am a a "wanna-be clean freak" and fail terribly at it. My house is typically in a state of CHAOS (Cant Have Anyone Over Syndrome). Most of my closets and draws in my house are pretty scary. My kids playroom would cause anyone great physical injury if they tried to walk through it, so mountainous are the massive piles of stuff and I am not referring to their toys.
I am very vain. I spend a lot of time worrying about what I look like.
I procrastinate and typically do everything that MUST be done at the very last minute and those things that aren't "must", well, they usually don't get done at all.
As much as I love being a SAHM, I desperatley wish I would have had the foresight to choose a career path that would have allowed be to work around my kids schedules (ie: nursing) and still help to financially provide for my family. I beat myself up about that a lot!
I am also highly self-critical. You would think with all that time spent primping that I would be more happy with what I see in the mirror. I'm not. I constantly second guess every much of what I do and say.
On most days, the beds in my house do not get made--GASP!!!
Lastly, I sometimes dread the hours between three and five p.m. every day. While I am excited to see my kids come home, I really dislike helping them with homework. They're all tired, cranky, talking a mile a minute, and seem to need something from me at the exact same minute. I've also usually procrastinated and am trying to get dinner ready during that time, as well. I feel pulled in so many different directions that some days I think my head will explode. It's my least favorite time of the day.
So there you have it. A little bit of reality - for better or for worse.
Life can be hard and messy and trashy at times and sometimes I just want to focus on the positive and leave the messy stuff out of it.
Just know, it's pretty genuine when it comes to my blog. I actually do "keep it real" with most aspects of my life. Although I will admit to not posting certain pictures of myself because, well, I wouldn't want anyone to die of fright. Also, there may be certain topics that I haven't posted about because it doesn't fit into the "image" that I am trying to present. You know, that image of being a cool, hip Mom who keeps a spotless house, spotless children and is a gourmet cook.
