Dear Scavenger Ants,
You must have gotten word that I was lonely or that I had nothing better to do than chase after you. I see that you have decided to move into my kitchen, and have made your sneaky way upstairs to my bathrooms...in masses, to keep me company. While I appreciate the gesture, I would prefer that you relocate immediately to your anthill (or your burrow, or nest, or secret place under my house, (or wherever the heck you came from). As much as I would love to have hundreds of little housemates, I already have my hands full with my human ones. I am up to my eyeballs chasing after you...trying to figure out where your trail is coming from! I am asking you very kindly to PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE! Please comply immediately. Don't make me go call my big bad pest guy to come and Raid on your little behinds!
From Your Friend and reluctant landlord,
Jen
P.S. You owe me $3.75 for the bag of chips that you infested. I'll let it go if you're out by the end of the week. Thanks.
